


Life’s Cruel Games

by graspingforwords



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:33:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22017937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/graspingforwords/pseuds/graspingforwords
Summary: Death doesn’t care who it hurts, and who it takes. Sometimes it comes gradually, other times it hits you out of nowhere. For Matteo, it came like a slow train. He was stuck on the tracks, and he couldn’t get off, no matter how close the train got. Death was inevitable.
Relationships: Matteo Florenzi/David (Druck)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 59





	Life’s Cruel Games

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I just wanted to stop by and say hey, and I hope everyone had a great Holiday. I did. It was quiet, but I enjoy that part of it. A couple things about this story.
> 
> 1\. I know the summary is vague, but I did that for a reason. Coming from me, someone who has a tough relationship with death, I didn’t want to give much away.
> 
> 2\. I wrote this story as a way to cope around the Holidays. I lost my mom when I was a teenager, and to this day it still haunts me. I’ll never recover from that loss, but I don’t think we’re meant to recover. I think we’re meant to grieve forever. At least that’s how I feel.

~/~/~/~

Matteo and David met their freshman year of university. The lived across the hall from each other, and David seamlessly fit into their friend group from the very beginning. Which was a saving grace for David because his roommate was an absolute nightmare. More often than not David was sharing Matteo’s bed (because he had a bigger one than most) and it was like they’d all known David for their entire lives.

Matteo and David shared a special connection though. They were both part of the LGBTQ+ community. Sometimes Matteo felt like he didn’t belong in his friend group because he felt too different, but when David showed up, he felt like he could relate to someone, and that meant more to Matteo than anything else. They became fast and close friends.

Naturally getting close to David didn’t make his crush on him any better. Anyone with eyes knew that David was attractive. It was his mysterious and charming aura that instantly drew anyone in, and kinda made anyone feel like the center of the universe. It definitely made Matteo feel that way. He constantly had to remind himself that David was one of his best fiends, and nothing, absolutely nothing, was going to happen between the two of them.

Six years later, and the crew was still just as close. The real world got in the way of them hanging out as much, but they got together as often as they could, and Matteo was thankful for that. It made his real like struggles, ones he kept completely to himself, more bearable.

Matteo had gotten back from work, he was absolutely exhausted, and wanted nothing more than to just curl up in bed, and sleep for the next 12 hours. It was something he was very capable of doing, and once he was out of the shower, he was not waking up for absolutely anything until the next day. He was almost ready for bed, when his phone started ringing.

“Hello?” He answered immediately.

“Matteo Florenzi?” The voice on the other end said.

“This is him.” Matteo said, worried.

“I’m calling from Mount Airy Hospital.” The voice said and Matteo’s heart stopped. “I’m afraid your mother isn’t doing well.”

“How bad is it?” Matteo asked.

“We don’t think she’ll survive the night.” The voice saidand it took everything in Matteo not to cry, or break every piece of furniture in his room.

“I’ll be right there.” Matteo said before hanging up. He grabbed his jacket and rushed out of the flat. He knew this day was coming, he just didn’t know how to prepare for it.

~/~/~/~

It was one of those rare weekends that crew was hanging out. Everyone was at the lake, enjoying their time, and loving the fact that no body was talking about work, or anything remotely adult related. It was a little on the chilly side, but not too terrible that it was unbearable. It was exactly what everyone needed, but David couldn’t help but miss the presence of Matteo. To be honest, David was worried about him.

“Hey Jonas.” David asked a little quietly so he wouldn’t cause a scene. “Have you heard from Matteo recently?” He asked and Jonas pulled his phone out.

“Not since Monday.” Jonas said. “I texted him the other day, but haven’t heard back.”

“Me either.” David said honestly. “I’m worried.”

“He’s probably holed up in his room stressing about work. You know how he gets when he has a deadline coming.” Jonas said casually. “He said he couldn’t make it anyway today.”

“Something just feels off.” David admitted.

“Are you sure it isn’t because you miss him?” Jonas asked, and David’s eyes went wide.

“I don’t - I mean - you have no idea what you’re talking about.” David stuttered and Jonas laughed.

“You aren’t very subtle man.” Jonas clapped him on the back. “You make heart eyes every time you see him.”

“No I don’t.” David said quickly. Too quickly.

“Remember when he started dating that guy junior year?” Jonas brought up, and even hearing about it made David’s skin crawl.

“You mean that douche who only cared about himself?” David asked, and Jonas laughed.

“Yes. That one. You didn’t speak to Matteo for a month, and you were a miserable piece of shit.” Jonas said.

“I was not.” David rejected.

“You were, and you sulked the entire time.” Jonas said.

“I just didn’t like him.” David said, like it was an excuse. “He was rude, he made Matteo do all his homework, for a major he wasn’t even in, and he constantly belittled him. How was I supposed to feel towards him?” David reminded Jonas.

“You had a valid reason to hate the guy, but you could have hated him to his face like the rest of us.” Jonas reminded him. “The only reason Matteo dated the guy was because he paid attention to Matteo, and he needed that at the time. Nobody liked him, I don’t even think Matteo really liked him, but he needed the distraction.”

“Than pick up a hobby! Not a shit boyfriend.” David nearly yelled.

“Okay dude, it’s been like 3 years. It’s over, no need to get heated about it.” Jonas said and David nodded. “Anyway, everyone knows you’re into him.”

“Everyone?” David asked nervously.

“Not Matteo, obviously.” Jonas reassured him. “You just have to be man enough to actually tell him.”

“And if he only sees me as one of his best friends?” David asks.

“Dude, Matteo has had it bad for you since the moment you met. Trust me, he sees you as more than a best friend.” Jonas said, and David had to admit, that made him feel pretty good, he just needed the courage to actually tell Matteo all of this. It looked like Jonas was about to say something when his phone started ringing. “Hey mom.” He answered right away. The smile on his face slowly faded into confusion. “Matteo? He’s fine. Why wouldn’t he be?” He asked, and than the confusion turned into disbelief, and something david couldn’t quite place and he had a feeling this conversation wasn’t a good one. “Mom, it can’t be true.” Jonas said, sadness dripping in his voice. “But how? I didn’t even know. He never told me anything.” Jonas pleaded to his mom. David could tell he wanted to cry. When the conversation was over, Jonas kinda fell to the ground.

“Jonas?” David asked curiously as he bent down next to him, the rest of the crew noticed something was happening, and all gathered around. “What happened Jonas?” David asked.

“Has anyone heard from Matteo recently?” Jonas asked the group.

“Not since he told us he couldn’t make it today.” Hanna said. “What’s going on?”

“That was my mom.” Jonas said. “She wanted to call and make sure Matteo was okay.”

“Why would she do that?” Abdi asked, confused.

“Because apparently his mom died the other day.” Jonas said, and the entire atmosphere darkened.

“What?” David asked, completely in disbelief.

“How?” Amira asked, tears in her eyes.

“Cancer.” Jonas said somberly.

“How did none of us know?” Kiki asked, Carlos holding her in his arms. “David, you didn’t know, did you?”

“No.” David simply said. His voice low, almost like he wasn’t in control of it.

“Shit.” Jonas said as he rested his head in his hands. “Why the fuck wouldn’t he tell us?” The entire group didn’t know what to say, but David wanted to know the reason why Matteo never told him either.

~/~/~/~

The group pretty much dissipated after the news of Matteo’s mom got out. David had numbly walked home, wanting nothing more than to go see Matteo, but not wanting to intrude, so he made himself go back to his flat. When he walked in, he heard Laura call after him, but he went straight to his room.

“David?” He heard Laura call, but he just sat on the end of his bed. “What’s wrong?” She asked when she joined him.

“Matteo.” He started but the sobs caught in his voice.

“What’s wrong with Matteo?” Laura asked, concerned.

“His mom died.” David said and Laura sucked in a breath. “He didn’t tell anyone.”

“How is he?” Laura asked.

“Nobody knows. He disappeared off the face of the earth a week ago.” David admitted.

“Holy shit.” Laura said. “How did she die?”

“Cancer.” David said sadly.

“Oh my god. Poor Matteo.” Laura said and David nodded. He couldn’t keep it in any longer. He broke. Laura pulled him into his arms, and she let David cry. He couldn’t believe what he learned about Matteo tonight, but all he wanted to do was hold him in his arms and never let him go. To tell him that he was there for him, no matter what. That he loved him, and he always has.

~/~/~/~

Matteo hadn’t left his room in days. He couldn’t. Nothing felt real. Nothing mattered. He was completely shattered and numb. Matteo can’t bring him self to look into a funeral service. He can’t bring himself to do anything.

“Matteo?” he heard Linn’s soft voice through his door. “Can I come in?” When he didn’t answer, he assumed she left. But when the door creaked open, he saw Linn was a glass of water in her hands. “I know you haven’t eaten, but I thought you’d like something to drink.” She offered. Matteo couldn’t turn her away. So he sat up a little on his bed and she joined him. “I know what you’re going through. It sucks, but it won’t always suck.”

“You do?” Matteo found himself asking.

“I lost my grandma to cancer when I was 18. She raised me, so it felt like I lost my mom.” Linn explained.

“She was diagnosed when I was in my last year at university.” Matteo admitted.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Linn asked softly. Matteo shrugged.

“I didn’t want to burden anyone.” He admitted. “You guys already have to deal with my depression. I didn’t want you dealing with my other issues too.”

“You aren’t a burden to anyone Matteo.” Linn said kindly. “Hans always tells me that, even when I feel like the biggest waste of space.”

“I thought she was in the clear.” Matteo said as he laid back, Linn joined. “She was in remission for like 5 months, and the doctors were optimistic, but it came back.” Matteo was crying at this point. “It came back stronger, and more aggressive. They tried every medicine they could, but nothing was working.”

“Cancer is a terrible disease.” Linn said honestly.

“How did you do it?” Matteo asked. “She was the only one who cared. How do I come back from this?”

“It’s not going to be easy. You’ll go through the stages of grief, and probably experience them in a heightened way because of your depression, but you aren’t alone Matteo, and you have a lot of people who care about you.” Linn explained. “My biggest advice for you is to let them care, and let them be the shoulder you cry on.”

“I have to meet with the funeral director tomorrow.” Matteo admitted.

“I’m sorry Matteo.” Linn said, and coming from her, Matteo actually knew she meant it fully.

“Would you come with me?” Matteo asked shyly.

“Of course.” Linn accepted. “You should get some sleep though. And some food, and drink this water.” Linn handed him the glass she originally brought him.

“Thanks Linn.” Matteo said honestly, and she smiled at him before leaving the room. Matteo drank the entire glass of water, than let himself slip into unconsciousness. His body and his mind needed it.

~/~/~/~

David decided that today was the day he would visit Matteo and see how he was. He wasn’t answering any texts, and David was worried. Matteo had a thing when it came to shutting people out, but David knew it was a defense mechanism. One he picked up when he was a kid. But this wasn’t the time to use it. This was the time for everyone to rally around him and support him, and that’s what David was going to do. So when he got to Matteo’s he shouldn’t have been surprised to see Jonas get there at the same time.

“I guess we both had the same idea.” Jonas said when he saw David.

“I guess we did.” David admitted.

“Still radio silence for you too?” Jonas asked and David nodded. “Okay, let’s go see him.”

David and Jonas made their way up to the flat, and when they knocked it took a few minutes for the door to open, but when it did, there stood Hans, who looked incredibly sad. David understood why.

“Hey Hans.” Jonas started. “Is Matteo here?”

“I’m afraid he isn’t.” Hans said sadly.

“Where did he go?” David asked, concerned.

“He and Linn went to go meet with the funeral director about his mothers service.” Hans explained.

“Hans, did you know what was going on with Matteo’s mom?” Jonas asked, clearly wanting some answers.

“He didn’t tell anyone about it.” Hans said. “I should have known. I should have picked up on it. He was constantly gone. A little too stressed for just work shit.”

“You couldn’t have known Hans.” David said reassuringly. “None of us picked up on it either.”

“But I live with him.” Hans said defensively. “He went through it alone. God knows his father wasn’t there.”

“Do you mind letting us know when he gets back? The boys and I would really like to see him.” Jonas asked.

“I’ll let him know.” Hans said kindly.

“Do you mind if I wait here for him?” David asked boldly. “I won’t be able to do anything but worry if I don’t see him today.” He admitted.

“Of course.” Hans said with a small smile.

“Let us know what’s going on.” Jonas said as he patted David on the back before disappearing down the stairs.

“Would you like some tea while we wait?” Hans offered. David nodded and Hans ushered him into the kitchen. As many times as David has been in Matteo’s flat, this was the first time it didn’t feel familiar, and he realized that it’s always been Matteo who brought him that level of comfort. David only hopes he can bring Matteo that same level now.

~/~/~/~

Matteo and Linn got back to the WG way later than they expected. They met with the funeral director in the afternoon, and by the time they were done, Matteo was starving and Linn offered to treat him to dinner. Matteo was never one to decline free food, and he was starving. They spent hours in the cafe talking. Matteo never realized how much Linn and him had in common, but he was thankful he had her. He needed someone to talk to, and Linn was a pretty good choice.

When they got back to the WG, Linn had retreated to her room immediately. Matteo knew the day had taken a lot out of her. He was thankful that she was with him today. It was nice to be around someone who understood what he was going through. He wished he opened up to her sooner.

“Butterfly?” He heard Hans call as he exited his room.

“Hey.” Matteo said softly.

“I was worried. If Linn hadn’t texted me I was going to send a search party.” Hans said and Matteo let out a soft laugh.

“We lost track of time.” Matteo admitted.

“That’s good.” Hans said. “How was the rest of the day?” He asked, and Matteo knew it was because Hans cared. He was trying to take Linns advice.

“It was a lot.” Matteo admitted. “We figured out some stuff, so that’s good.” He said vaguely.

“I’m glad it went well.” Hans said fondly. “You had visitors today.”

“Who?” Matteo asked confused.

“Jonas and David stopped by.” Hans said. “Actually, David is still here.”

“Why?” Matteo asked, shocked.

“He said he wanted to see you. That he wouldn’t be able to focus if he didn’t see you.” Hans explained.

“Huh.” Matteo huffed out.

“He’s currently asleep in your room.” Hans gestured to the closed door.

“He’s asleep?” Matteo asked and Hans nodded.

“Yea. We had a cup of tea, and I had errands to run. When I came back I went to find him and he was passed out in your bed.” Hans explained and Matteo nodded.

“Thanks. I’ll just go see him I guess.” Matteo said as he scratched the back of his neck.

“Would you like some tea as well?” Hans asked. “I was just about to make some.”

“Uh, sure. That’d be great.” Matteo said and Hans smiled. He went into the kitchen and Matteo went into his room to see David passed out in his bed. Matteo made his way over to him and started rubbing his back to wake him up. The soft even breath David was taking made Matteo want to run his back forever.

“Hans?” David said sleepily. Matteo laughed.

“Nope.” Matteo said and David blinked a couple times before he recognized Matteo.

“Hey, you’re here.” David said as he sat up. “What time is it?” He looked around and noticed it was dark.

“It’s nearly 22:00.” Matteo explained and David nodded. “What time did you get here?”

“Uh, around 15:00.” David said. “Jonas and I wanted to see how you were considering you didn’t tell us anything about your mom.” David said and Matteo sighed.

“I didn’t want you guys to have to deal with all my shit.” Matteo admitted as he took a seat on the bed.

“Matteo, you’re my best friend. You’re everyone’s best friend.” David said honestly. “You know you can talk to us about anything. You can talk to me about anything.” David hated how much his voice cracked. He hated pleading but he didn’t know another way to show Matteo that.

“Jonas had to deal with my family breaking apart, than he had to deal with coming out, and my depression.” Matteo said, his voice heavy with emotion. “The last thing I needed to do was add my sick mother on top of that. You all had shit going on. You had top surgery, Carlos and Kiki were expecting their first child, Amira was traveling, Abdi was, well he was I don’t know.” Matteo shrugged.

“You do realize that nobody views you as a burden right?” David asked, because he knew Matteo sometimes felt like that. “Matteo, I loved mama. She was like a second mother to me, and I didn’t get to say goodbye.” David was nearly crying, and Matteo already was.

“I didn’t want to say anything because that meant it was real.” Matteo whispered. “Everything in my life gets fucked up. My dad left, my depression got worse, I nearly failed school, than I started dating that fucking loser, and lost pretty much all my self worth.” Matteo’s breathing was labored.

“Breath Teo. Follow me.” David said softly as he moved closer to him. After a few moments Matteo was breathing better, slower.

“Her getting sick just felt like a universes own sick way of I don’t know, laughing in my face.” Matteo laughed, with not humor. “Am I never supposed to be happy?” He asked, as he looked at David. “Is that was the universe is telling? I don’t deserve to be happy because I’m gay, or I smoke entirely too much, or what?”

“I think bad things happen Matteo. Bad things happen to the best people but that doesn’t mean you can just ignore them if you don’t talk to people.” David said honestly. “I hate that you went through that alone. I hate that I didn’t get the chance to help you through it.” Matteo shrugged. He didn’t know what to say, David could always tell. “How did meeting the funeral director go?” He asked, changing the subject.

“Uh, it was good I guess.” Matteo said. “My mom had a will, so everything is pretty much laid out how she wanted her funeral to be.”

“Mama was always prepared.” David said and Matteo smiled and nodded.

“She was cremated.” Matteo said. “She didn’t want to rot in the ground.”

“I can understand that.” David said honestly.

“So that means we can really have the funeral whenever we want.” Matteo said. “I have to get in contact with my father.”

“He doesn’t know?” David asked, shocked. He knew the two had a terrible marriage, and Matteo suffered a lot because of it, but not knowing, David couldn’t imagine that.

“I’ve called. Many times. He’s never answered.” Matteo said a little bitterly. “So while Linn and I were out, I booked a flight to Italy. If he won’t answer my calls, I’m going to show up.”

“When are you going?” David asked.

“My flight leaves on Friday.” Matteo said. “It’s at 7 am, which sucks.” Matteo said and David laughed.

“How long will you be gone?” David asked curiously.

“I don’t know. I haven’t booked a flight home.” Matteo said honestly. “I’m going to see my father first, but I’m going to make other stops to other family members. I know my Nonna will be upset. She loved my mother. Sometimes I think she loved him more than my dad.”

“That’s not hard to do.” David smiled, and Matteo nodded.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” Matteo said after a moment. “I know she meant a lot to you. I know you viewed her as a mom.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.” David said in return.

“You were though.” Matteo said honestly. “Just being with you, and everyone really made me feel like my world wasn’t falling apart. Since none of you knew, nobody treated me any differently.”

“We wouldn’t have treated you differently.” David said firmly.

“Really?” Matteo asked with a laugh. “Jonas bought me a pint of ice cream every single week after me and that douche broke up because he thought I was heart broken.” Matteo said and David laughed. “When I would slip into an episode, Jonas literally cleaned my entire flat because he thought it would be helpful, which Hans was happy about in the beginning but Jonas became neurotic about it.” Matteo explained. “Trust me, you might not have treated me differently, but everyone else would have. They treat me like a kid, and I love our friends, I really do, but it’s suffocating sometimes.”

“Do you want company?” David asked without a thought. “To Italy?” He further explained. Matteo’s eyes widened.

“You want to come with me?” Matteo asked a little shocked.

“I wasn’t there for you when she was sick, I want to be here for you for the rest.” David said sincerely. Honestly it made Matteo’s heart melt a little bit.

“My asshole father won’t be nice.” Matteo said and David chuckled.

“Good, neither will I.” David said and Matteo laughed.

“I would actually really like the company.” Matteo admits. “Now that everyone knows, I really don’t want to be alone in this.”

“You will never be alone Teo. Never again.” David said honestly. He pulled Matteo into a hug, and Matteo melted into his embrace. It was nice to not be alone.

~/~/~/~

David couldn’t get on the same flight as Matteo. He was leaving Berlin at 7:45, so Matteo would only have to wait a little bit at the airport in Italy for him. He hated that he couldn’t fly with Matteo. Especially knowing Matteo gets slightly anxious on planes. It wasn’t a long flight, so that helped a lot.

They were currently at a coffee spot in he airport waiting for Matteo’s boarding time. He has been particularly quiet since getting up this morning, which wasn’t unusual for Matteo, not being a morning person, but David was worried nonetheless.

“I can practically feel the anxiousness radiating off of you Matteo.” David eventually said, hoping Matteo would open up about his worries.

“I don’t know how to do this.” Matteo admitted. “I just don’t know how he’ll respond.”

“Hopefully he responds the way most people would finding out their ex-wife and the mother of their child has passed away.” David said.

“But I’m not his only kid. He has a wife, who is the mother of his 3 other kids. What if he doesn’t react at all? What than?” Matteo says, David could hear how stressed he was.

“Than I kick him in the teeth.” David said and Matteo just looked at him and rolled his eyes. “The way he responds is on him Teo, not you. You are doing the right thing, how he decides to respond to it is totally up to him.”

“I hate him. I hate that he left us, I hate that he wasn’t there when she was going through her depression, I hate that he wasn’t there when she was diagnosed.” Matteo said and David reached out and took his hands in his own. “But I hate that I can’t forget about him. Throughout this whole process sometimes I just wanted to call him. How fucked up is that?”

“It’s not fucked up at all Matteo. He’s still your father. That doesn’t just go away because he’s an asshole.” David said honestly.

“He hasn’t been my father in a long time.” Matteo mumbled and David sighed. He didn’t know the right thing to say. It was a lose/lose situation regardless.

“Now boarding Flight 345 to Florence, Italy.” The woman over the PA system said, and Matteo sighed.

“That’s me.” Matteo said as he stood up. David followed after him. They walked up to the gate and Matteo took a deep breath.

“I’ll see you there.” David said trying to make him feel a little better.

“Yea.” Matteo said quietly. David pulled him into a hug, and Matteo melted into it quickly. Once Matteo let go he took a step back. “See you soon.” He said one last time. David nodded with a smile and watched Matteo board his flight. It was only a 4 and a half hour flight, they could do it.

~/~/~/~

David’s flight finally landed in Florence, and David couldn’t wait to get off. His flight was slightly delayed so instead of getting there 45 minutes after Matteo, he got there 2 hours after Matteo. When he texted Matteo that, Matteo said he would wait for him outside of his terminal, which David was grateful for. He’s never been to Italy, and he can’t speak the language, so having Matteo there with him was going to be a huge relief.

David finally got off the plane, and started walking until he found Matteo. He was sitting at a little cafe close to where David was let off the plane, but he wasn’t alone. There was a girl sitting with him, twirling her hair around her finger, and batting her eyelashes like it was a sport. David could tell Matteo was uncomfortable, but he’s just been too nice to ever tell someone to back off. David pulled his backpack up over his shoulders and made his way over to the pair. It was like his filter got turned off, and he just went for it.

“Hey babe.” David said with a smile once he was close enough to Matteo. The girl looked up confused. She said something to Matteo in Italian and all Matteo did was shrug. The girl rolled her eyes, hissed something at Matteo and walked away. “What was that about?” David asked and Matteo stood up and grabbed his bag.

“Not a huge fan of rejection I suppose.” Matteo said tiredly.

“How was your flight?” David asked as they started walking out of the airport. They only brought a carry on, so they didn’t need to stop at baggage claim.

“It was okay.” Matteo said.

“Just okay?” David prompted.

“Yea. There was a crying baby, but that was about it.” Matteo admitted.

“That’s good. At least you didn’t get delayed.” David said and Matteo laughed.

“What was wrong with your plane exactly?” Matteo asked.

“I’m not sure.” David explained. “But they had to bring in another one, so I’m not entirely sure I want to know what was wrong with it.” Matteo laughed at that.

“Well, I’m glad they got you here in one piece.” Matteo said and David nodded in agreement.

“So, are we going to see your father right away?” David asked.

“Yea. I rented a car, so once we pick it up I figured we’d go right over.” Matteo explained. “Than my Nonna.”

“We can do whatever you want Matteo. We’re here for you after all.” David told him honestly. Matteo nodded and they made their way out to the parking garage. Matteo went up to some window and started talking very fast in Italian. David had to admit, it was pretty attractive to hear him speaking Italian. He would do it every now and than at home, but this was different. Matteo grabbed the keys, and nodded for David to follow him. It was time to face the music.

~/~/~/~

Matteo pulled up to the address he was given years ago by his father. He had told Matteo he was allowed to visit if he’d like, but Matteo never took him up on that offer. He was pretty lucky he still had it. They had gotten out of the car but Matteo couldn’t make himself move any farther. It was like he was stuck.

“We don’t have to do this today Matteo.” David reminded him. “We can do it tomorrow if you’re more comfortable with that.”

“I need to do it today.” Matteo said firmly. “I can’t wait any longer.”

“Okay. Let’s go.” David held out his hand for Matteo. He looked down, and than Matteo took it and the two of them made their way to the door. Matteo knocked softly on the door, and they waited. Once it opened, Matteo was surprised to see that it was his father that answered.

“Matteo.” His father said, shocked. “What are you doing here?” He asked in Italian.

“I’ve been trying to call you.” Matteo said. “You haven’t answered.”

“Yes, I had to change my number.” His father explained. Matteo nodded. “Is everything okay?” He asked, and the question caught Matteo off guard. He wasn’t expecting that. David didn’t know what was being said, but he gave Matteo’s hand a gentle squeeze, letting him know he was there.

“Uh, no. Not really.” Matteo said nervously. “Mama passed away last week.” Matteo finally said, and his father just stood there. A fill minute had passed before Matteo’s father just shut the door without uttering a single word.

“What the hell?” David said from beside Matteo. “What was that?”

“That was his response.” Matteo said. “Come on, let’s go.” Matteo pulled David down from the step, but David couldn’t believe that was it. David’s never met Matteo’s father, but he’s heard terrible things about the man.

“No. That can’t be his response.” David said as he pulled his hand from Matteo’s.

“You told me before we got here that his response was on him. I did what I came here to do.” Matteo said, his voice heavy.

“But Matteo....” David almost whined.

“What David? I told him, what he does now is on him.” Matteo said. He was tired. So extremely tired. David could tell he took a lot of energy to come here and do this.

“Okay.” David gave in. “What do you want to do now?”

“I want to go to sleep.” Matteo said honestly.

“Where are we staying?” David asked, letting Matteo dictate this trip, it was for him after all.

“We’re staying with my Nonna. I called her before we left letting her know I was coming to visit. I told her we’d be staying close, but she insisted that I stay with her.” Matteo explained. “She’s excited to see me, and meet you.”

“You told her about me?” David asked, a little shocked.

“I told her one of my best friends was coming with me.” Matteo explained. “She thought it was Jonas, so she was thrilled, but when i told her it was you, she was so happy to be meeting another one of my friends.” Matteo explained and David nodded.

“She seems lovely.” David smiled. “From what you’ve told me about her, I can’t wait to meet her too.”

“She’s loud, and intrusive sometimes, but she’s so warm. Her and my mama had that in common. Always so warm and inviting.” Matteo smiled fondly at the memory.

“Well, if she is anything like mama, I’m sure I’ll love her.” David said and Matteo smiled and nodded.

The boys made their way to Matteo’s grandmothers house. It was pretty close to where Matteo’s father lived, but more in the country. David couldn’t help but stare at the beauty of Italy. He wanted to sketch it so badly. It was something he’s never seen before. A beauty that could probably never be captured completely. When Matteo pulled into a winding driveway, David was even more impressed. They came to a stop in front of a quaint little farm house, with an elderly woman coming out of the front door with an apron on, David knew he was being fully immersed in Matteo’s childhood.

“My baby!” His Nonna beamed from the porch.

“Ciao Nonna.” Matteo said as he gave his grandmother a couple kisses on the cheeks.

“Oh, you’re so skinny. Come. I made dinner.” She ushered them into the house. Matteo knew not to argue with his grandmother.

“Thanks Nonna.” Matteo said as he kissed her forehead.

“And who is your handsome friend?” She asked as she turned to David.

“Nonna, this is David. David this is my Nonna.” Matteo introduced.

“It’s nice to meet you.” His Nonna said in broken English. It was the only other language she sort of knew.

“You too.” David said back with a smile. “Matteo talks about you a lot.”

“He always was my favorite.” She smiled at him, and pinched Matteo’s cheeks. “Don’t tell his cousins.” She winked and Matteo blushed. “Now, you never told me why you suddenly came to visit!” She said as they sat down.

“It’s not for a good reason Nonna.” Matteo admitted. David didn’t understand, but he could read Matteo like an open book, and he knew he was trying to tell her. So he placed his hand on his knee under the table to show his support. “Uh, mama passed away last week Nonna.” Matteo managed to get out, but the utter sadness that appeared on his grandmothers face nearly broke him.

“How? She was so young.” His grandmother said wiping tears from her eyes.

“Breast cancer. She was diagnosed my last year of university. She fought as hard as she could.” Matteo said.

“Oh my sweet baby.” She said as she stood up and pulled Matteo into her arms. David could tell Matteo was now crying, and his grandmother was as well. “Did you tell your father?”

“That’s where we went first.” Matteo explained. “He didn’t say anything. He just closed the door in our faces.”

“That boy.” His grandmother hissed. “I swear, when I get my hands on him he’ll wish I wasn’t his mother.”

“I don’t have any details on her funeral or anything yet. But when I do, I’ll let you know.” Matteo informed her.

“Oh baby.” She said once more and pulled him back into her arms. “I love you so much. And I loved your mother more than I can express. I’m terribly sorry for your loss.”

“Thanks Nonna.” Matteo said honestly. “I’m kinda tired actually, I think I’ll get some rest if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all.” She said with a smile. “I’ll leave a plate for you for later.” She said and Matteo nodded before leaving the kitchen. Not saying goodbye to David, but he didn’t mind. Once he was up the stairs, his Nonna looked back at David. “How has he been really?” She asked.

“Honestly? He didn’t tell anyone she was sick.” David explained. “We found out last week when Jonas’s mom called him to ask about Matteo, and she told him, and that’s how we found out.”

“Oh my sweet boy. Why wouldn’t he tell anyone?” She asked as she took a seat.

“Matteo feels like a burden to everyone in his life.” David said. “Even though I tell him constantly that he isn’t. That we all love him, and would do anything for him. I think he just wanted to I don’t know, lessen the hardships for others more than himself.”

“His father instilled that behavior in him.” Nonna said. “I love my son, don’t get me wrong, but he can be thick headed, and stupid most of the time.” She said and David laughed. “My husband was the same way though. Matteo’s always been a little more fragile, a little more sensitive than most boys. He always has been, and I think his father thought that made him weak. When in reality, it just made me so much more understanding, and careful, and kind. I always thought his ability to empathize, and care made him stronger than most people ever are in their life.”

“When I first met Matteo, I thought well, I kinda thought he was an asshole, but the more time you spend with him, and the more layers you crack, the more you realize there is just a wounded boy wanting to be loved, and taken care of.” David explained. “He’s so easy to be around, and to confide in. He makes you feel less alone.”

“That’s my boy.” She smiled proudly. “He’s always been a sore subject for my son. Than once he came out, it was like his father couldn’t, or maybe wouldn’t accept him. I confronted him once about it. Why he was so harsh to the poor boy who just wanted to be himself. He told me he just felt so disconnected with him. they had nothing in common, and it was hard to bond. But at the end of the day, your son is your son, so I couldn’t even comprehend why it was so hard for him to understand that.”

“I’ve only ever heard stories about your son, so today was my first experience with him, and I’m not going to lie Mrs. Florenzi, I really wanted to kick his teeth in for shutting that door in Matteo’s face.” David explained. “He just lost his mom, he needs his father. No matter what has happened in the past.”

“I don’t blame you one bit my dear.” She admitted. “He will be hearing from me, and it won’t be pretty.” She said and David nodded. Than she leaned forward and placed her hand on top of David’s. “Now, are you ever going to tell my grandson that you’re in love with him?” She asked and David’s eyes shot wide.

“How did you -“ He stuttered. “How did you know?” He asked.

“I’m not blind.” She smiled. “Plus I know a thing or two about love. I was married to my husband for 45 years. You don’t get to be where I was on pure luck.”

“It’s too complicated right now.” David shook his head. “He’s going through a lot. I’m not adding that on top of it.”

“I understand that, but please, be there for him. I can’t imagine what he’s going through, but he needs you. More than he’ll ever admit too.” She explained.

“Don’t worry. I didn’t plan on leaving him to do any of this alone.” David smiled and so did she.

“Alright, you’re too skinny too. Eat up.” She said as she started filling his plate with food.

“It smells soo good.” David said as he picked up his fork.

“Pasta alla Mama.” She said proudly.

“You Florenzi’s and your pasta.” David laughed. “I swear, it’s all Matteo ever eats.”

“And who do you think taught him everything he knows?” She asked. “This kitchen was our sanctuary when he would spend the summers here.”

“He doesn’t talk about his time in Italy much.” David told her honestly. “He talks about you, but not much else.”

“My little Matteo was the best part of my year every single year.” She smiled, David could tell she loved Matteo immensely. “I only got him for the summer, but I made sure the summers counted.”

“When did he stop coming here?” David asked curiously.

“He was about 14.” She explained. “It was a bad year for the whole family. My husband had passed, my son up and left his wife and son, Matteo’s mother was battling depression, and it seemed like everything came to a head all at once.” She said and David nodded. “I found out everything when I called him wondering when they were arriving and he said they weren’t. That’s when I found out my idiotic son left them, that my sweet daughter-in-law was struggling, and that Matteo had moved out.”

“Wait, he moved out when he was 14?” David asked, shocked and his grandmother nodded. “He told us he was 16 when he moved out.”

“No. I only know because I went and found my son, and made him pay for his rent.” She explained.

“He wasn’t even going to do that for him?” David asked, annoyed that this man.

“He has a lot of faults.” She said and David nodded. That he agreed with. “Eat up, I’m going to start cleaning up.”

“i can help if you’d like.” David offered.

“It’s okay. Cleaning is kind of like my therapy.” She smiled at him. David nodded, and smiled back. She leaned down and pressed her lips to David’s forehead. David closed his eyes and soaked up the moment. It’s been a long time since he’s felt grandmotherly affection, and he had to admit, he liked it a lot. 

Once she was gone, David finished his plate of food, placed it in the sink and made his way upstairs to see if Matteo was alright. He looked through the rooms before he got to the one Matteo was asleep in. He walked in slowly,and quietly, and saw Matteo sound asleep, clutching a family picture from when he was a little boy. His cheeks had tear stains on them, and all David wanted to do was cry with him. Life wasn’t fair to Matteo, and David hated it.

~/~/~/~

David woke up later than he anticipated the next morning, and when he went downstairs he saw both Matteo and his grandmother cooking a huge breakfast, singing to Italian music. He’s never seen Matteo so carefree before. He seemed like he felt like he belonged here, something David hasn’t really seen much of back on Berlin. His grandmother spun around and caught sight of David and smiled.

“Perfect time, breakfast is ready!” She said happily, and Matteo turned around and saw David. He smiled at him, and David made his way into the kitchen. His Nonna gave him a hot cup of coffee all ready for him.

“Thank you.” David said. She smiled and moved back over to Matteo.

“What are you boys up to today?” She asked.

“I don’t know.” Matteo shrugged.

“I was hoping Matteo could show me around Italy. It’s my first time here.” David said.

“That’s a wonderful idea. Matteo can take you to all the best places.” Nonna said happily.

“Yea. We can do that.” Matteo agreed. “Than I’m cooking you dinner.” Matteo said to his Nonna.

“You don’t have to do that.” She insisted.

“But I want to, as a thank you for letting us stay.” Matteo said and she leaned in and kissed his cheeks.

“You are always welcome here.” She said kindly. “You know that.”

“I know.” Matteo said, and David felt like he missed out on part of the conversation. But he said nothing about it.

“Eat up and than hit the road! There is so much to see!” She beamed and Matteo just laughed and took a seat next to David.

They ate in peace as his grandmother started singing in Italian again. Before Matteo and David could even react, she was gathering their almost finished plates and rushing them out the door. 

“Wow.” David said with a laugh. “She is very uh -“

“She’s crazy. You can say it.” Matteo said and David laughed.

“She’s high energy. I wasn’t expecting that.” David said honestly.

“She wants me to move here.” Matteo said abruptly. David froze.

“What?” He asked, shocked.

“She wants me to come back and live with her.” Matteo explained. “Says it will be nice to have the help around the farm, that it’ll give me time to grieve, and give me space from Berlin that’s only riddled with bad memories.”

“Oh.” David said sadly. He didn’t know what to say.

“I told her I’d think about it.” Matteo said, cause he really was. “It would be nice to spend more time with her, but I don’t know how being in the same country with my father would go. Knowing he was close would probably give me panic attacks.” Matteo said honestly.

“Do you think it would help?” David asked.

“I think it would.” Matteo said honestly. It’s how David knew he was really considering it. “I have to go back to Berlin anyway. For the funeral. So I have time. I’ll talk to my therapist about it. She’s normally pretty good with helping me sort out my thoughts.” He explained and David nodded.

“As long as you’re doing what’s best for you, you know we’re all behind you.” David said, and he truly meant it, but not having Matteo around would suck so much. Matteo nodded, but didn’t respond. “So, where are we going first?” He asked, changing the subject.

“First, we go to the place where I spent the majority of my summers.” Matteo smiled. “You’ll love it.” Matteo grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the car. David’s heart was pounding in his chest. He was going to enjoy all the time with Matteo as he could, while he could.

~/~/~/~

David hasn’t been this tired in a long time. Not even during university when his filming scheduled basically kept him awake for 24 hours sometimes. Being taken around Italy for the entire day had worn him out in a different way. His feet hurt, his skin burned, his eyes were blinking at a rapidly slower pace than normal. He was ready to pass out, but in a good way. Spending the day learning about Matteo’s childhood was something he would treasure for the rest of his life. He felt like he knew Matteo on a more personal level, and it had turned out to be one of the best days he’s ever had.

Matteo and David got back to his Nonna’s house a little before dinner, after they stopped at the shops to gather ingredients for dinner, and when Matteo rounded the corner, he froze. The last person he expected to see here was his father.

“Matteo.” He said as he stood up.

“Father.” Matteo said back. He sat the groceries down on the counter.

“I would like to have a word with you, in private.” He said as his eyes shifted towards David.

“He won’t understand a single thing we’re talking about.” Matteo said back, knowing that David was clueless when it came to Italian. “If you want to talk, he stays in the room.” Matteo said sternly. He was done folding to his fathers every will.

“Alright, if you insist.” He said as he gestured to the chair across from him. Matteo took a seat, and David took a seat next to him. Knowing Matteo wanted him there’s regardless if he could understand them or not. “First I want to say that I’m sorry for closing the door in your face when you came to see me the other day. I’m sure you can understand how shocking that news was.”

“Try living through it.” Matteo shot back. “I watched her go through countless treatments, and I was in the room every single time they told her it didn’t work.” He explained. He was getting worked up. David placed his hand on his thigh, and he calmed down a little. “I came here because I thought you at least deserved to know what happened. Not that it should matter to you since you are the one that left us.”

“I cared about your mother deeply Matteo.” His father said.

“Until she became too much to handle, right?” Matteo asked. His father said nothing. “Face it dad, you didn’t care enough.”

“You don’t understand what your mother and I’s relationship was like.” His father explained. “In the beginning, everything is wonderful. It’s happy, and light, and new, and thrilling, but it gets hard, and it gets nasty sometimes. It came to a point where our relationship was toxic for one another.” He explained, but Matteo didn’t believe him.

“All couples fight dad.” Matteo said. David could tell he was angry. Even in Italian his voice gets low, and cold. “I think the difference was, you thought mama was toxic for you because of her depression, so you made yourself toxic for her. Because I have memories of my childhood, before everything went to shit, and for the life of me, I can’t ever see what mama saw in you.”

“Does it matter why our relationship became toxic? Shouldn’t anyone leave if they felt like the environment, and the relationship they were in was nothing more than negativity and hatred?” His father asked.

“Of course it matters. Especially when a child is involved.” Matteo nearly shouted. “Especially when a child is involved.” He repeated a little quieter.

“You were always a mamas boy.” His father tried to reason.

“That doesn’t mean I don’t need a father.” Matteo explained. “You never wanted me. It was so obvious.”

“That’s not true at all Matteo. I tried to bond with you, but it was so hard.” He said.

“Why? Because I didn’t want to play sports? Because i liked cooking? Or because you always knew I was different, and when I came out as gay, you couldn’t handle it.” Matteo asked.

“You have to understand son, for a father, that’s a hard thing to accept.” His father said and Matteo slammed his hand on the table.

“No it isn’t! It’s not a fucking hard thing to accept because any decent human being would have no issue with it.” Matteo spit at his father. “Why does it matter who I love? Why does the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, who happens to be a guy, mean I cant have a relationship with my own father?” He asked, but his father was silent. “Face it dad, you can’t accept me because I’m gay. Because my sexuality is apparently a giant burden to you, that you can’t just do the one thing parents are supposed to do, and that’s love their child. Unconditionally.” Matteo was finished with the conversation, and he got up and left the kitchen, which left David with his father. It was silent for a few moments before he broke it.

“You have to understand, this is hard for me too.” His father said to David.

“Actually, I don’t understand.” David said honestly. “Because loving Matteo is one of the easiest things I’ve ever done in my life. It’s surprising that you don’t find it easy at all.”

“Loving and understanding are two different things.” His father tried to reason, but David shook his head as he stood from the table.

“They really aren’t Mr. Florenzi.” David said. “Because when you love your child, understanding comes with it, and when you understand your child, loving them is a no brainer.” David decided to leave him with that and go up and find Matteo. He was about to round the corner of the stairs when he found Matteo sitting there. His head resting against the wall, and David froze. Matteo looked at him, his blue eyes laser focused on him. “Uh, have you been here the whole time?” He asked and Matteo nodded. “Oh.”

“You love me?” Matteo asked, and David felt his heart start racing.

“You know I do. You’re my best friend.” David said, really not trying to have this conversation now. After that intense interaction.

“But you didn’t mean it in the best friend kind of way.” Matteo said. “Because the way you say it, is different than the way the boys say it.”

“What does that mean?” David asked, honestly.

“You talk about it like it’s a precious thing. That there isn’t anything in the world more important. When Jonas tells me he loves me, he pats my back, and adds a bro at the end of it. He makes it feel familial.”

“And I make it feel?” David inquired.

“Romantic. Passionate. Intimate.” Matteo said every word slowly. It sent shivers down David’s spin. Matteo slowly stood up and joined David on the landing. There eyes locked.

“And is that a bad thing?” David finally finds his voice to ask.

“No.” Matteo shook his head. “But it makes me curious.”

“How so?” David asked, acutely aware that they were inches from each other. He could feel Matteo’s heat radiating off of him.

“How long have you felt that way?” Matteo asked.

“Are we really going to have this conversation right now?” David asked, trying to delay the inevitable.

“Yes, because I need to know.” Matteo said truthfully.

“Fuck Matteo.” David blew out. “Basically since the first night we met at that stupid ass dorm party and you told me your room was always available in case my dumbass roommate couldn’t just sleep alone for one night.” David said and Matteo laughed. His freshman roommate had a bit of a sex problem. “Since I learned that behind that stoner kid personality you show to the world, there is this insanely soft, and lovable, and tender boy who just wants someone to love and take care of him the way he deserves. Who doesn’t want to make a fuss about anything because he doesn’t want to worry anybody else.” David said. If Matteo wanted it, he was going to get it. “The boy who has been through so much shit in his life, yet still treats every single person he meets with so much respect, and empathy that you honestly could change anybody’s life just by being in it because you did it for me.” David explained, and Matteo looked like he was about to cry. “Because since you came into my life Matteo, the only thing I’ve wanted to do was make you happy.” Matteo was quiet for a few moments after David was gone his speech, but David wasn’t worried. He knew this was how Matteo processed.

“You have done that.” Matteo finally said, his voice a whisper. “You’ve made me so insanely happy that sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure I’m awake, and our whole friendship wasn’t just some fever dream.” Matteo expressed. “I can’t believe you thought you didn’t.”

“You’ve been so incredibly sad for so long Matteo, sometimes I think all I do is make you sadder.” David admitted.

“Are you kidding me? David, you’re the reason I’m not dead.” Matteo said flat out, and David sucked in a breath. He didn’t like to think about that time in their friendship. “You’re the reason I’m still here, and the reason I got the help I needed, and why my relationships improved with everyone, including my mom. I wouldn’t be anywhere without you David.” Matteo said so strongly as he took David’s hands in his.

“You are so strong Matteo, and you don’t even know it. You would have found the strength without me.” David said.

“No, because the strength i got to be better, to work on myself, and my life, was from you. Because you cared, and believed in me so fiercely, that I started to believe in myself. Because you made me feel alive, even when i wanted to die.” Matteo said and David’s eyes started to water, but he refused to cry right now. “You have been everything to me for so long David.”

“How come you never said anything? Why did you date that fucking nightmare of a boy during university?” David asked, the question had been eating at him for years.

“I didn’t say anything because I thought you deserved someone better. Someone who wasn’t so fucked up.” Matteo admitted. “I didn’t want you to feel like you had to take care of me. That’s all I ever felt everyone in my life was doing. They were friends with me because they had to be, not because they wanted to be.”

“Teo.” David said so softly and he brought his forehead in closer so that he was leaning against Matteo’s. “Having you in my life has always felt like a reward, not a burden.”

“But my head didn’t see it that way, and you know how dangerous my head can be.” Matteo said and David nodded slightly, making sure their foreheads stayed together. “And I dated that guy because I was lonely. Everyone in our friend group was getting a girlfriend, and pretty soon I was aware of just how alone I felt, and I needed a distraction.”

“But him? Really Matteo, he was such a dick.” David said and Matteo laughed.

“I also thought he’d make you jealous, than you stopped talking to me for a month.” Matteo admitted and David smiled sadly at the ground.

“I was jealous. So jealous that I couldn’t even look at you and him together. Jonas told me I was being an idiot, but I just couldn’t be in the same room as you two, especially when it came to the way he talked to you. Like you were a child, like you weren’t smart.” David explained.

“He liked me better when I didn’t speak.” Matteo remembered that relationship pretty vividly.

“Some of my favorite memories we have are us just having a conversation.” David expressed to Matteo. “When we’d go for late night walks and we’d talk about our dreams, our fears, our insecurities, our trauma. When everything around us felt like it was crumbling, and we’d escape from the chaos for a few hours and just get lost in conversation. I always thought everything you said was so important, and meaningful.”

“Really?” Matteo asked, slightly shocked by David’s confession.

“Of course.” David said matter of factly. “Matteo, you pick and choose your words so carefully, and when they come out, honestly sometimes it’s overwhelming, but in a good way.”

“How?” Matteo asked. “Sometimes I think I take too long to respond.”

“I think the opposite. If everyone was as careful as you about the things they said, this world would be a much better place.” David said truthfully.

“How so?” Matteo asked, curiously.

“Do you remember the night I came out to you? That I told you I was trans?” David asked. Matteo nodded. “I was so scared to tell you, and once I did, I felt like I was holding my breath. Like I was underwater and I couldn’t breath. You didn’t say anything for about a minute, and I thought I had ruined our friendship forever.” David explained. “Do you remember what you told me?”

“I said that you were still David, one of my best friends, and nothing would ever change that.” Matteo said as he remembered. “You were still this nerdy art boy who wanted to direct films one day, and who was probably the most competitive guy in the world.” Matteo laughed and David couldn’t help but smile. “Than I apologized for taking so long to answer because I didn’t want to say the wrong thing.”

“Exactly.” David pointed out. “You took the time to process, and say the right thing. I can’t tell you how much it meant to me that in that moment, the moment I shared the most vulnerable side of me, that you still called me a boy, and than gave me a backhanded compliment.” David laughed. “My parents still refuse to acknowledge me as their son, and the fact that you accepted me, without any hesitation meant absolutely everything to me.”

“I should have told you that I loved you.” Matteo said after a moment and David’s breath hitched. “That I had been in love with you since practically the minute I laid eyes on you. That you trusting me with the most vulnerable side of you just made me love you that much more. But I was terrified because I didn’t know what was going on in your mind.”

“I think I would have fainted.” David said honestly, and Matteo laughed. “Trust me, back than I would have thought you were playing some kind of trick on me.”

“Why?” Matteo asked.

“For so long I thought I would be alone forever. That I’d never find someone who I wanted to open up to about who I am, and I thought I’d never feel that comfortable with someone to express who I truly am.” David explained.

“So why did you trust me enough?” Matteo wondered.

“Because I did love you.” David said honestly. “There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that you wouldn’t accept me. You had always put so much trust in me, whether it was you coming out to me, or telling me about your childhood trauma. You trusted me so much that I knew I could trust you.” David explained. “I was terrified as fuck though.” Matteo nodded at that.

“So what do we do now?” Matteo finally asked and David laughed.

“Now, we go to the kitchen and make Nonna that dinner you promised her.” David said and Matteo couldn’t help but smile. “Later, we are going to curl up in bed and watch a movie. How does that sound?” David asked.

“Sounds perfect.” Matteo admitted. The boys made their way back downstairs, where thankfully Matteo’s father wasn’t anymore, and Matteo made his way over to the stove. David was close behind, but Matteo politely pushed him away. “You don’t get to step foot in this kitchen. It’s sacred, and you will not burn it down.”

“I set the stove on fire once in university, and you’ve never let me live it down.” David laughed as he took a seat at the island.

“The whole fire department showed up.” Matteo laughed as he remembered. “That was a little more than just setting the stove on fire.”

“Eh. I didn’t burn the place down, I think that’s the most important part of the story.” David shrugged, and Matteo shook his head with a smile on his face. Before he started cooking, he turned on the radio, which started playing Italian music. It was a staple when he would cook with his Nonna.

David sat back and watched as Matteo started getting everything ready for dinner. He always found watching Matteo cook to be one of his favorite things to do. The way Matteo got lost in it, made him think maybe she should have pursued it instead of going to university. Although that might have never brought the two boys together, so he was sort of thankful Matteo didn’t go to culinary school. It was one of the most attractive parts about Matteo in David’s opinion. The way he tended and put so much thought into what he cooked, David could sit there and watch him all day. And part of him thought that maybe he could do it for the rest of his life.

~/~/~/~

“You’ll let me know the minute you land?” Nonna as she she held Matteo’s face in her hands.

“The very second.” Matteo said back and she smiled.

“I love you my sweet boy.” She said before she pulled him into a tight hug.

“I love you too Nonna.” Matteo said back sweetly. When the pulled apart his Nonna turned towards David.

“It was so wonderful to meet you my dear.” She said as she pulled David into her arms.

“You too Nonna.” David said back.

“Please take care of him.” She whispered in his ear, and all David could do was nod. “Okay, I don’t want you to miss your flight.”

“You’ll let the rest of the family know about the arrangements?” Matteo asked, and she nodded.

“Let me know the day, and we’ll be there.” She said and Matteo nodded. “I’m going to miss you around here. I would have liked if you stayed.” She said in Italian.

“I can’t Nonna.” Matteo said honestly. “Not after the last conversation with my father. I can’t be in the same county as him. It wouldn’t be good for me.”

“I understand.” She said kindly. “I wish that man didn’t ruin everything, but I want what’s best for you. And call me every week.” She insisted and Matteo laughed and nodded.

“You got it Nonna.” Matteo said with a smile.

“Now, off you two. I don’t want to miss your flight.” She said and they both nodded. Matteo and David grabbed their bags and packed the car. Pretty soon they were headed towards the airport, and David couldn’t stop thinking about the private Italian conversation Matteo had with his Nonna.

“I’m going to miss her.” David decided to say in hopes to get a conversation going with Matteo.

“Yea. She’s going to miss you too.” Matteo said with a smile.

“Did you ever give her an answer?” David asked, Matteo took a quick peak over at him. “About coming back to Italy after the funeral.” He clarified.

“Oh.” Matteo said. “Yea. I told her that staying in Italy wouldn’t be a good idea for me. Being in the same country as my father, it would do nothing good for me. She understands.”

“Oh.” David said, a little shocked.

“Yea. I have to call her every week though. Otherwise I’m dead.” Matteo laughed and David smiled.

“How long has it been?” David asked. “Since you’ve seen or talked to her?”

“A couple years.” Matteo answers. “Or I guess more like 8 I think. After everything that went down between my parents, I didn’t think she’d want me anymore. Kinda like how my dad didn’t want us either.” Matteo explained.

“I’m sure that was really hard.” David said and Matteo shrugged.

“I was pretty messed up after everything went down.” He explained. “Sometimes it was easier to believe she didn’t want me than think of the possibility of her missing me. It made it easier to convince myself to not call her, or write her a letter.”

“I’m sorry about everything you went through.” David said honestly. “I can’t imagine what going through all of that did to you at such a young age.”

“I had my mom.” Matteo shrugged. “She was always the more caring one out of the two of them, so it wasn’t like I lost something I treasured, if that makes sense.”

“It does.” David told him honestly.

“Now I don’t have anyone.” Matteo said sadly.

“That is not true Matteo.” David said strongly. “You have your Nonna. You have all our friends back home. And you have me. Never forget that.”

“I know.” Matteo sighed. “But it’s always different because family is family you know. It’s different.”

“I know. Family is always different but you have so many people around you to help you in any way you need, and to love you in every single way. I just don’t want you to forget that.” David explained.

“It’s kinda hard to forget that with the friends that we have.” Matteo laughed. “They are a very affectionate bunch.” He said and David smiled.

“Yea. Truly the shock of my life when I became friends with you guys.” David said and Matteo laughed. “Seriously, the first time I ever hung out with all of you together, the way you all hang onto each other, and just don’t care about personal boundaries was something I was not used to at all.”

“I think most people who don’t know us feel the same way.” Matteo agreed, and David smiled.

By this point they had made it to the airport, and had made it to their gate. Thankfully they had the same flight going home. David was starving by the time they had gotten settled at their terminal and they still had some time before they had to board, so he was going to search for food.

“I’m going to get something to eat, you want anything?” David asked Matteo.

“Just coffee.” He said and David nodded. He made his way around the airport to find something he would like. It was harder than David thought, still not knowing anything Italian, but eventually just settled on a muffin, and coffee. When he got back to his gate, he spotted Matteo leaning against the wall, asleep. He couldn’t help but smile as he made his way over to him.

“Matteo?” David said gently as he shook him slightly. He didn’t move. “Teo.” David said again, he as started rubbing his fingers along Matteo’s arm. This got him to start moving a bit until his eyes slowly blinked opened. “Hey, I got you coffee.” He said as he held up the cup and Matteo nodded as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. “You haven’t been sleeping well, have you.” David pointed out and Matteo shrugged.

“I can’t get it out of my head.” Matteo muttered. “Every single time I close my eyes I see her, and it hurts.” He admitted.

“Have you talked to your therapist about this yet?” David asked. “There might be something you can do in order to help with the lack of sleep.”

“I haven’t really had the time.” Matteo told him. “And I already have medication for my sleep. What else could I possibly do to get ride of the nightmares?” He asked and David sighed. He didn’t have an answer.

“I don’t know.” He said honestly. “I just thought it was a good idea. Maybe she has an answer.”

“I’ll talk to her.” Matteo said and David nodded. “Thank you.” He said after a moment.

“For what?” David asked honestly.

“For taking care of me. For coming with me.” Matteo said and David couldn’t help but smile. “It means a lot to me. I don’t know what I would have done without you here.”

“You know I’m here for you always Matteo.” David said and Matteo nodded. David reached over and took his free hand in his and laced their fingers together. Matteo gave him a tight little squeeze, but didn’t untangle them. He took a few sips of his coffee and rested his head back against the chair he was sitting in. David was worried about Matteo, but there wasn’t much he could do for him besides help him through it, and that’s what David planned on doing.

~/~/~/~

The funeral was a few days after David and Matteo returned from Italy. It didn’t take Matteo long to plan it. He called his Nonna the day after he returned to let her know when the day was. Like she promised, the entire Florenzi family showed up. Matteo housed as many as he possibly could, but the majority of them had to stay at a hotel.

The day went by in a blur. Matteo was so unbelievably sad that he didn’t even feel like he was actually there. He knew what was going on but it was like an out of body experience. Like he was trying so hard to protect himself from the pain that he wasn’t all there mentally.

David could tell he was out of it. There was nothing more he wanted to do than to just hold Matteo’s hand through the entire thing. He knew that he could, but Matteo had been surrounded by his family the entire day and David didn’t want to push his luck with them. He wasn’t part of the family, so he hung back with the rest of the crew.

The service was one of the saddest things he’s ever experienced. There wasn’t a single person not crying in the whole place. Hanna was a mess the entire time, and none of the other girls was any better. Mama Florenzi had a special place in everyone’s life, and losing her was hard.

Once the graveside service was over, Mr. Florenzi invited everyone to a local Italian restaurant in Berlin for lunch. It was a nice sentiment, David didn’t expect much from Matteo’s father, but it was nice that he was doing this for the family. The crew had made it their mission to not leave Matteo for the entire day. Matteo would never ask for comfort, but they knew he needed it more than ever at this moment.

“Look.” Jonas said as he gestured behind David. They were all gathered around getting ready to leave the cemetery and head to the restaurant. David turned around and saw Matteo still sitting beside the grave. His shoulders were slumped, and David could tell he was in a bad head space.

“I’ll be right back.” David told the crew and they all nodded, knowing that he needed to check on Matteo. He made his way over to where Matteo was sitting, and took a seat next to him. “Hey Teo.” David said quietly. Matteo didn’t say anything. He was twirling a flower in his hands. His elbows were resting on his knees, and David could see tears occasionally falling from his eyes.

“I can’t.” Matteo finally said.

“Can’t what?” David asked gently.

“I can’t say goodbye.” Matteo said. “I can’t put this flower on her urn, and I can’t walk away.” He explained.

“You have to Matteo.” David said. “Nothing will bring her back. You have to let her go.” He said as calming as he could. His heart was breaking over and over again.

“David.” Matteo said, but his voice stopped short. “I can’t.” He said again before he just broke. David pulled him into his arms as fast as he could and just let Matteo break. It didn’t take long for David to start crying along with him, but he tried his hardest to not show it to Matteo. He didn’t need to see David break as well. He just held him as long as Matteo needed him too, and he’d do it for as long as he needed.

~/~/~/~

Eventually David had gotten Matteo to calm down enough to make it to the restaurant. David told both his Nonna and his father that they weren’t going to stay long. That Matteo had a long emotional day and that he needed to rest. Nonna was very understanding, his father not so much. David tried not to think about it too much. Matteo was his priority today. That’s who he was going to worry the most about.

Matteo was sitting with his Nonna for a little while saying goodbye. He knew they were see each other later, but David knew he needed that time with her. He was standing off to the side when Jonas came over and joined him.

“How is he?” Jonas asked.

“Broken.” David said honestly. “I think it’s hitting him harder today than ever.”

“Funerals always make it harder. It’s the final goodbye.” Jonas said honestly.

“I don’t know how to help him Jonas.” David admitted. “I feel like I’m doing everything wrong.”

“You aren’t man.” Jonas said. “You’ve done everything right.”

“How come I feel like I’m not doing enough?” David asked.

“Because you love him, and all you want to do it make it better, but this isn’t something you can make better dude. He’s hurting, and he’s so sad. His mom was his whole world for his whole childhood, and who he depended on for everything after his dad left. Losing that is going to hurt for a long time.” Jonas explained. “Even if they had a tough relationship because of her mental health, they were close, and he loved her.”

“I’m hurting too.” David admitted. “She was the closest thing to a mother I had after mine kicked me out, and I feel like because I’m sad, I can’t help him.”

“Use that than.” Jonas said. “You two can grieve together. You don’t have to be the strong one David. Maybe just being together, and mourning her loss will help both of you grieve her.”

“You think so?” David asked, curiously.

“I’ve never lost someone that close to me.” Jonas admitted. “I can’t imagine how much Matteo is hurting right now. But you know Matteo better than anyone, and you know that he’s never been the kind of guy who hides how he feels. He wears his heart on his sleeve. I don’t think he needs someone to be his lifeline, or to hold him up. I think he just needs someone to break down with him. So why don’t you be that person.” Jonas explained. “You’re kind of the opposite dude. You don’t show much emotion. You’d rather just bury it all and deal with it alone, but you don’t have to do that with Matteo. Just let it out, and be there for him. Just like you always are.” David nodded.

“Okay.” He agreed. “I think I can do that.”

“Good. Now go save him from his cousin, and get him home. He looks exhausted.” Jonas said with a pat on his shoulder and he walked back to the crew. David made his way over to where Matteo was now standing and put his hand on his lower back.

“Hey, you ready?” David whispered and Matteo looked over at him, his eyes were heavy, and hollow.

“Yea.” Matteo said softly. He said something to his cousin in Italian, followed by a hug. David grabbed Matteo’s jacket and they left the restaurant. He offered it to Matteo but he just shook his head and started walking.

“It’s cold out Matteo.” David said honestly.

“I don’t really feel it that much.” Matteo said.

“Don’t do this Matteo.” David sighed.

“Do what?” Matteo asked, confused.

“Don’t put yourself through this. I can tell your cold because you’re tense. By not putting your jacket on, you’re just harming yourself.” David explained. Matteo sighed, and took his jacket and shrugged it on. “Thank you. You know we’ve had this conversation before. Just because you aren’t cutting or burning yourself, doesn’t mean you aren’t harming yourself.”

“I’m really not that cold.” Matteo said truthfully.

“Are you sure?” David asked.

“Yea. I guess just being around my family, makes me tense.” Matteo told him. “I haven’t seen a lot of them in years. Being together again today was overwhelming. Today in general was overwhelming.” He admitted, and David nodded. He took Matteo’s hand in his, and Matteo gladly accepted.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions.” David said.

“It’s okay. You were going off past experiences.” Matteo said. “I barely take care of myself when I’m not like this.”

“I think you’re doing an amazing job.” David told him proudly. “You handled today with so much grace, and kindness.” Matteo just shrugged. “I told Nonna that I was taking you home to rest, and she promised not to bring anyone back until later.”

“She doesn’t have to stay away because of me.” Matteo said quickly.

“And she’s not.” David reassured him. “Apparently they’re going sight seeing today. A lot of them have never been to Berlin and they want to see some stuff.” David explained. Matteo nodded. “Come, let’s get you home.” He said as they made the turn onto his street.

When they got into Matteo’s flat, nobody was home. He went straight to his room and stripped out of his clothes and got under the covers immediately. David shrugged off his jacket and grabbed an extra pair of sweats before he joined Matteo in bed. Not a moment later Matteo curled himself around David, and he felt his whole body shaking. He was crying, and David couldn’t hold it in anymore. He broke. The two boys laid in bed for hours, crying in each other’s arms. They stayed like that for who knows how long, letting the emotional exhausting from the day push them to sleep.

~/~/~/~

It’s been a few days since the funeral, and Matteo hadn’t really moved from his bed. David didn’t blame him. He knew the entire day was extremely emotional for Matteo, and it triggered an episode the next day. Thankfully his job was very accommodating when it came to bereavement, so he had a few weeks before he had to go back to work.

David had been staying at the WG since the funeral. He didn’t want to leave Matteo, and he knew Hans, and Linn didn’t mind. If anything, they were happy he was there for Matteo. He needed that stability right now, even if he didn’t say it. It was tough since David didn’t get as much time off, but he did his best.

It was late, David had been at the WG for a couple hours but he was pretty anxious. HIs work load right now was through the roof, and he didn’t think he would finish it in time for the deadline he was given. He was cleaning the entire flat trying to get his mind to wear out, but no matter what he cleaned, his mind was still spinning. He was so lost in his mind that he didn’t even notice Matteo enter the room until he felt a hand on his shoulder, and he screamed.

“Shit.” David said once he calmed down. “Are you okay?”

“I think I should be asking you that.” Matteo said. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s okay. I wasn’t expecting you, and I was kinda lost in my own head.” David admitted.

“I couldn’t lay in bed anymore.” Matteo shrugged. “I woke up, and my body just didn’t want to lay down anymore.”

“How are you feeling?” David asked.

“Better.” Matteo admitted. “I’m still sad, but I think I’m out of my episode.”

“That’s great.” David said happily.

“Yea. I texted my therapist. I made an appointment for tomorrow.” Matteo explained.

“That’s amazing Matteo.” David said proudly. That took a lot of willpower for him to do that, and David was proud of him.

“I wanted to say thank you.” Matteo said. “For sticking with me, and helping me through the hardest moments of my life.”

“You don’t have to thank me Teo.” David said honestly as he made his way over to him. “I will always be by your side.”

“I love you.” Matteo said so freely, that it made David’s heart stutter. He couldn’t help but smile.

“I love you too.” David said back, because it was the truest statement in the world.

“I know we haven’t really had the opportunity to really talk about, well anything really. It’s been a pretty chaotic time in my life, but I did mean it. When I told you I loved you in Italy. I didn’t want you to forgot.” Matteo explained and David smiled.

“I could never forget Matteo.” David said truthfully. “I’ve been wanting you to tell me that for years.” He laughed and that got Matteo to smile.

“We’re a couple of idiots, aren’t we?” Matteo asked and David smiled.

“I think that’s what our friends would tell us, yea.” David agreed.

“I think I want to cook something for dinner.” Matteo said, and David was shocked, knowing that when Matteo normally comes out of an episode it still takes him some time to get back to himself.

“What do you want to make?” David asked.

“I don’t know. What do we have?” Matteo asked.

“Hans and Linn went shopping the other day, and I gave them a general list for you.” David explained.

“You didn’t have to do that.” Matteo said and David just smiled and snaked his arms around Matteo’s waist.

“I didn’t want you not having anything when you finally came around.” David explained to him. “But I didn’t have any time in my schedule to get you food, so Hans and Linn offered.”

“Okay. Let’s see what they got me.” Matteo said as he made his way over to the fridge. David watched as he casually looked through the fridge, and he couldn’t get the smile off his face. Matteo still had a long way to go in the grieving process, and maybe he would never fully heal, but David was going to be there every step of the way. That he was sure of.

~/~/~/~

It’s been a year. A year of the deepest depression Matteo’s ever felt, but also some of the happiest moments he could ever imagine. He wished more than anything that his mom was around to experience it all with him. He can’t even recall the amount of times he’s thought about calling her upand realizing he can’t. It’s been a huge adjustment not having her, but he was managing. He would never get over it, didn’t quite think he’d ever really move on from the hurt either, but he was managing, and that was okay.

David had been the best thing that ever happened to him through all of this. Discovering their love, and doing something about it was some of the best medicine Matteo had through it all. He knew he would always be there for him in any situation, and support him through it all. They really were fools for hiding it for so long, but now that they were in it together, they were never letting it go.

Matteo had a particularly bad night. He was exhausted, but his mind wouldn’t shut off,and he couldn’t sleep. All he wanted to do was sleep. He found himself wondering the city early in the morning, while it was still dark. David was working through the night, so Matteo was by himself. He didn’t have any place in particular that he wanted to go, but he found himself in the cemetery where his mother was buried. He had nothing to say at the moment, so he just sat with her.

He didn’t know how long he sat there. He knew the sun was up, but that was about it. His phone had died hours ago, and there weren’t many people coming through the cemetery that he could ask. He didn’t want to stay much longer, but he couldn’t get himself to get up either.

“Hey.” Matteo heard, and when he turned around there stood David. “Thought I’d find you here.”

“How did you know?” Matteo asked. David smiled and took a seat next to him.

“Because I know you.” David said fondly. “And this was the only place I knew I could find you on this day.”

“I can’t believe it’s been a year.” Matteo whispered.

“Me either.” David agreed. “You know she’d be so proud of you.”

“I hope so.” Matteo shrugged. David pulled him close.

“She would be, because I am, and so is Nonna.” David told him honestly.

“I had a dream about her.” Matteo admitted. “I slept for like 2 hours last night, but I remember seeing her.”

“Was it a bad dream?” David asked.

“I don’t know. I woke up in the middle of a panic attack. I was crying, and my head was pounding. But I don’t think it was bad.” Matteo explained. “I think I was just overwhelmed.”

“That’s understandable.” David said truthfully. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help.”

“It’s okay.” Matteo said honestly as he snuggled closer to his boyfriend. “That’s how I ended up here. I figured if she came to visit me in my dreams, she was lonely. I didn’t want her to be alone.”

“You are such a good son Teo.” David whispered to him.

“I try.” Matteo said back softly. It was quiet for a moment.

“What do you want to do today? Anything you want.” David said.

“I don’t know.” Matteo admitted. “I’m kinda hungry.”

“Do you wanna go get some breakfast?” David suggested.

“Okay.” Matteo agreed. David stood up and pulled Matteo up shortly after. “Can we just go home after? I’m exhausted.”

“Of course.” David smiled. He went to walk away but he noticed Matteo wasn’t moving. He was looking down at his mothers headstone. David took a few steps farther wanting to give Matteo and his mother some privacy.

“I’ll come back soon Mama.” Matteo whispered. A promise more to himself. He would visit more. “I love you.” He pressed his hand to the top of the headstone and took a deep breath. He made his way over to David who pulled him into a hug.

“Ready to go?” David whispered. Matteo simply nodded. David took his hand in his and the two walked out of the cemetery together. Emotional, but content knowing they always had each other to get through life. Good and Bad.


End file.
